Brokenhearted in Bakersfield

 

17 - ALL FLIPPED OUT

What with Chet and Hippie Mary and Lorleen moved away, and what with Edna gone to her reward, it seemed the question of what to do about Little Billy fell to me.

As it was, Little Billy was one of the few residents of Broken Heart Park who was gainfully employed.  It’s the enviable truth; he had a job.  Edna found him work as a mascot for the local youth vocational facility called Burger Prep.  Little Billy would put on a rubber costume that resembled a hamburger, and the Cutie Fries All Girl cheering squad would flip him repeatedly during student recruitment programs at mini-malls, juvenile detention centers and the like.  The boy sure was enthusiastic about his vocation.  Why, he would have slept in that damn burger getup if Edna would have allowed it.  But as admirable as his work ethic was, he was a regular pest with his constant begging to be flipped.

I found Little Billy balled up in the irrigation ditch by the front drive in full burger regalia, and hanging onto a yellow plastic inner tube.  I could only figure that the inner tube served as his companion onion ring, a version of costume comfort food.  I picked the little burger up and set him on my lap.

Not having much experience dealing with kids, I settled on telling him a story before he got too hungry or expressed some other kind of need.  The story I settled on was the one about the Dish running away with the Spoon.  But, after explaining the running away part, it dawned on me I didn’t know what happened next, so I closed with a pastoral, “Go thou and do likewise.”

This had an impact.  The last I seen of Little Billy was the backsides of his sesame seed buns and his tiny feet kicking up dust along the other side of the interstate.  He hugged that yellow inner tube and shrieked for dear life:  “Flip me!  Flip me!  Flip me!”