Brokenhearted in Bakersfield

 

16 - UPWARDLY MOBILE

Doom wears the grin of a splattered Three Horned Piss Lizard.

Broken Heart Park was draped trailer-to-hitch in black crêpe.  Oh, it ain’t like we was all sentimental or anything about Edna’s tragic passing, or the hundreds of dollars’ worth of damage; it was just that the train that ripped through the heart of our beloved community was filled with decorations for Halloween.  Once that locomotive jumped those tracks it released black crêpe paper that was draped over just about everything, and to look at Broken Heart Park you might think we was tee-peed by juvenile jokers from a mortician’s school.  But there wasn’t going to be no services for Edna Peevy, who was already mopped up and just a memory, and there’d be no fancy wake with bitty cheese sandwiches or cocktail weenies for us grieving survivors.

Feeling sorry for myself, I sort of ambled on over to check in with Chet and Hippie Mary.  I knocked on their open door.  “Howdy, neighbors,” I inquired real friendly, “got beer?”

There was a whirl of activity going on.  From behind me came a voice, “Well, look who it is.  I haven’t seen you since the farm went bust.”  Hippie Mary’s bracelets and beads jangled as she tossed an aluminum chair past me.

“You’re too late.  Beer’s been packed.”

“Whoa,” I stammered, “what’s going on?”

“Can’t you see?  We’re moving out.  We’re through putting up with crooks and thieves and crooked cops stealing our crops, and now that Edna....”  Hippie Mary stopped mid-sentence, and I believe I saw her eyes well up with tears.

Outside I heard a heavy crane start to pull the giant locomotive out of Broken Heart Park and put it back onto the rails it rode in on.  I had to wonder what are the odds that the train that comes by Broken Heart Park would be vandalized with the entrails of piss-lizards causing it to jump off its tracks and kill a longtime friend and neighbor?

Then I noticed Hippie Mary was talking again, as I caught her saying something about “…and Chet can start his job at the Gas’n’Gulp.”

“Stop right there,” I held up a hand.  “Did you say Chet Baker’s gonna work at the Gas’n’Gulp?”

“He is,” Hippie Mary answered, hands firmly placed on hips.  “All he has to do is sit in that little bulletproof box and make change.  He can do that.”

“What for?”

“So we can afford Stardust Acres.”

“Stardust Acres?”

“Stardust Acres.”

“Chet,” I hollered into the trailer, “is that true?  You move’n on out to Stardust Acres?”

I saw his lumbering shape moving back and forth in the shadows.  I feared the worst.

Then a sweet, familiar voice rose from behind, “Can I catch a ride with ya’ll?”  It was Lorleen Littlesum herself, my lovely dancing Indian Princess neighbor.  And she was standing right there next to me with her short-shorts on and tube top stretched taut against her chest, and holding a packed suitcase.

“You, too?”  I couldn’t hide my shock and horror.

“Like, I’m so outta here,” Lorleen’s eyes darkened, and I could see she was very serious for a dancer.  “I’ve given it a lot of thought.  I’ve decided to move to Stardust Acres and shorten my commute.  Mr. Smite’s renovated the old motel out back into affordable studio apartments, and he’s offered me a very good deal.”

“That makes Sonny Smite your landlord as well as your boss,” I cautioned her, “ain’t that a coincidence of interests?”

“I don’t know nothing about coincidences,” she sniffed.  “All I know is Sonny, I mean, Mr. Smite, has painted the place real nice, and he’s put in hotplates and sinks with running water and a mini-fridge in the kitchenette.  He convinced me, like, I deserved a better standard of living than this trash heap.”

It about broke my heart to hear Lorleen call Broken Heart Park a trash heap.  But before I could muster any words of protest, a dark green flatbed truck pulled up and a cloud of dust settled over us, as I noticed a logo for Stardust Acres painted on the truck’s side.

Hippie Mary pointed to the truck and said, “Stardust Acres has a special, time-limited offer to move in new tenants,” she uttered the magic words, “for free.”

“But, Mary…” I tried to reason with her, palms turned up.

“Let’s go, Chet,” Hippie Mary cut me off.  “We still need to pry the picnic table off the cement.  I know you just got through nailing it down, but we aren’t leaving it behind.”

I’ll admit my eyes was misting up as I watched the little Breezy River DeLuxe mobile home get hauled up onto the back of that green flatbed truck.  I even considered throwing myself in front of the vehicle to prevent them from leaving, but I knew that would only slow them down.  As my mouth hung open caked with dust, I sadly witnessed my friends and neighbors head on out to start a new life at Stardust Acres.

Black crêpe flapped all around me.

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Brokenhearted in Bakersfield

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